The Prayer That Was Answered

It has been one full week of utter disquiet anxiety - I did not have peaceful sleep the whole of the week - getting up intermittently out of sheer nervousness. SubhanAllah!

It started in March this year when the opportunity presented itself - a vista of opportunity to a whole new exciting prospect leading to a path which I am more inclined to lead. An application was thereafter made - but I must confess, bearing in mind how prestigious the programme is worldwide and the stiff competition from other applicants, I was not confident of clearing the preliminaries. All I could do was pray. An edgy and intense wait ensued...

And then sometime in July, I was asked to make submissions of my future plans with the programme. I did as requested and anxiously wait for the next step...

I received a phone call in late August for an interview in early September. That must have been a good sign as I have been selected as the few lucky shortlisted candidates.

Then "The Day" came. I was so nervous that I had so many facts and figures in my head preparing to provide answers to impress the distinguish panel, which constituted of 2 very prominent academics/politicians and 2 other high-ranking members - none of that memorised information were of use as I was not asked those questions. It is all a blur to me now of what transpired - but I knew that, in the context of a succulent steak, I was "grilled to perfection" to the extent that the secretary had to intervene informing the interview panel that my session had exceeded twice the time allocated. I remembered walking out of that room wobbly, and tired. And then, the tormenting and agonising wait, again...

To make the agony more unbearable, I received a few emails after the interview requesting me to submit some essays and take some international graduate tests "in the meantime". What does this "in the meantime" ever means? A following email further asked: "Have you received our letter yet? :)" - complete with the smiley face. My God! I was such a bundle of nerves, I could have flipped anytime anyone calls me. The waiting was truly killing me...

Finally, by the Grace and Mercy of the Almighty, after almost 2 weeks since that fateful interview, I was given the good news on Friday as being successfully chosen to be part of this prestigious programme whose members are luminaries in their own areas of expertise, yet are influential contributors to the world with the world as their network. I remembered I held the letter and stared at it for a moment, read some prayers and opened it. Masya-Allah! The joy that I felt was undescribable - it reminded me of how ecstatic I felt when I was accepted as a scholar with the SSO (Singapore Symphony Orchestra) back when I was in college, some many many moons ago. As William Shakespeare said in The Tempest: "We are such stuff as dreams are made on, rounded with a little sleep."

You would have reckoned by my convoluted reference of the programme that I still intend it to be under wraps until the time for commencement is nearer next year. But, to those very close friends whom I have kept in close confidence, I wish to convey a Huge Thank You for all the prayers, support and the confidence you have placed in me - for I thought this programme to be very special, and through it, you have made me special. At the conclusion of it, I pray that I will join the programme's fraternity in contributing to making positive and beneficial changes to the world.

I realised that one of the blessed manner which has assisted me calm my nerves was this month of Ramadhan. If not for the constant companions of regular doa, reciting the Qur'an and the night prayers (terawih) be it as an Imam or part of the congregation, my heart would not have been in such a blissful state of redha. The Mercy of the Almighty is indeed beyond our human conception.

I wish to end this entry with a beautiful story taken from the Mathnawi of Mevlana Jalalludin Rumi entitled: "The Prayer That Was Answered".

"A certain man one night was reciting 'Allah!' in his zikr till his lips were becoming sweet with the mention of His Name.

'Why now, chatterbox,' said the Devil, 'where is the answer "Here am I" to all this "Allah" of yours? Not one answer is coming from the Throne: how long will you grimly go on crying "Allah"?'

The man became broken-hearted, and laid down his head to sleep. He saw in a dream the mystic Khidr. Khidr was a mysterious guide who first appears in the Quran, Chapter 18:64 (he is not exactly named, but identified as the one cloaked in green by the commentators and as 'one of Our servants unto whom We had given mercy from Us, and We had taught him knowledge proceeding from Us') as accompanying Moses and doing strange things. The Sufis took him as the exempler of the Shaykh who requires absolute and unquestioning obedience of the disciple, all in a green garden.

'Look now,' Khidr called, 'why have you desisted from the mention of God? How is it you repent of having called upon Him?'

'No answering "Here am I" is coming to me,' the man replied, 'and I therefore fear that I may be refused from His door.'

Khidr answered, 'Your cry of "Allah" (God says) is itself My "Here am I"; your pleading and agony and fervour is My messenger. All your twistings and turnings to come to Me were My drawing you that set free your feet. Your fear and love are the lasso to catch My grace. Under each "Allah" of your whispers, there are many a "Here am I".'