Monty Python and the Holy Grail

1st soldier: Who goes there?

King Arthur: It is I, Arthur, son of Uther Pendragon, from the castle of Camelot. King of the Britons, defeater of the Saxons, Sovereign of all England!

1st soldier: Pull the other one!

King Arthur: I am, and this is my trusty servant Patsy. We have ridden the length and breadth of the land in search of knights who will join me in my court at Camelot. I must speak with your lord and master.

1st soldier: What? Ridden on a horse?

King Arthur: Yes!

1st soldier: You're using coconuts!

King Arthur: What?

1st soldier: You've got two empty halves of coconut and you're bangin' 'em together.

King Arthur: So? We have ridden since the snows of winter covered this land, through the kingdom of Mercia, through...

1st soldier: Where'd you get the coconuts?

King Arthur: We found them.

1st soldier: Found them? In Mercia? The coconut's tropical!

King Arthur: What do you mean?

1st soldier: Well, this is a temperate zone

King Arthur: The swallow may fly south with the sun or the house martin or the plover may seek warmer climes in winter, yet these are not strangers to our land?

1st soldier: Are you suggesting coconuts migrate?

King Arthur: Not at all. They could be carried.

1st soldier: What? A swallow carrying a coconut?

King Arthur: It could grip it by the husk!

1st soldier: It's not a question of where he grips it! It's a simple question of weight ratios! A five ounce bird could not carry a one pound coconut.

King Arthur: Well, it doesn't matter. Will you go and tell your master that Arthur from the Court of Camelot is here?

1st soldier: Listen. In order to maintain air-speed velocity, a swallow needs to beat its wings forty-three times every second, right?

King Arthur: Please!

1st soldier: Am I right?

King Arthur: I'm not interested! 

Second Swallow-Savvy Guard: It could be carried by an African swallow. 

King Arthur: Will you ask your master if he wants to join my court at Camelot? 

1st soldier: Oh yeah, an African swallow, maybe, but not a European swallow. That's my point. 

Second Swallow-Savvy Guard: But then the African swallow's not migratory...